Thunderstruck

I am thunderstruck! After fuming for a day after the eggshells were dumped down to my deck, my neighbor rang my doorbell and apologized about it. She said a bag spilled and that's how the shells fell down. It wasn't until today that she was looking through the cracks and realized how much fell down. She even said she was planning to put down carpeting to prevent spills from falling down further.

She asked if I'd like her to come and pick up the shells. I gave my best emotionless, "No, I'll just clean it up later, but do you want the fork that fell down, too?" When I handed it to her it was covered in fuzz and dirt. I didn't want a stranger coming inside and peeping around seeing inside my place.

I am shocked that she apologized. It's not the first time she has done that, albeit after the fact. But it seems like if she's aware of these things, why not take precautions to stop it in advance?

I ask you, the reader, should her apology and proposal to put carpeting down make me reconsider taking all this to the condo association?

Eggshells from Heaven

More shit from the neighbors rained down this afternoon. Eggshells and a fork. Don't they know the average egg contains 212 mg of cholesterol? Silly fuckfaces. At this rate, they'll drop dead of heart attacks before I report them to the condo association and have them drummed out of the complex.

Sunday in the Park

Please play in 480p (the highest resolution available). It looks much better that way.

Friday Night Appetizers: Spring Rolls

Look at the expiration date on the rice noodles. They let you decide when it expires.

 Lettuce, mint, cilantro, bean sprouts, green onion, and shrimp (not shown).

 Ta-dah!

Exercise Terminology

I've rededicated myself recently to P90X. I just finished week 4, day 2.

It's been over a year now since I've been to a gym. I've been doing P90X off and on over the past year. I have seen improvements. I'm not experiencing a whole lot of results currently, but when I did it back to back my first two times, I was seeing improvements. I never saw anything like the video claims, but definitely enough to justify that I could get the same results with or without a gym.

Of course back during the gym days, I did my cardio on machines. Many people say they can't do cardio on a machine because it's boring. I can see that. So if you can't have fun on the machines, at least have fun with the names.

Here is a fogger-to-english translation guide for many of your common cardio machines.

stair mistress = stair master
ambulating belt = treadmill
velocipedler = stationary bike
waterless canoe = rowing machine
ovalator = elliptical machine

Pizza Face

Hurray for Saturday night dinner.

 

Movie Penis

Have you ever played a game where you use the title of a movie to describe your penis? I was having a back and forth of this game with a friend.

Of course the game is to come up with movie titles that make your penis sound impressive like King Kong, but I like to take it in the opposite direction by finding titles that shock and horrify or make it sound less than impressive. Here are some from my list.

Tootsie
Sister Act
The Hunt for Red October
Gidget (One of my favorites!)
Dirty Rotten Scoundrels
Not without My Daughter
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
To Kill a Mockingbird
Miracle on 34th Street
The Unsinkable Molly Brown (One of my favorites!)
Sophie's Choice
The Bad Seed
Baby's Day Out
Honey I Shrunk the Kids
Mame

Nancy Drew and the Case of the Tossed Out Toys

As much as I'd love to be that "that guy," that asshole who, when a frisbee or a ball lands in his yard,  announces to the neighborhood, "Now it's mine!" I'm just not that kind of guy.

But apparently I am THAT asshole who will go to great lengths to photo document toys being thrown from the upstairs condo down to the common areas and his patio with the intention of presenting them to the condo association as further proof that these renters have got to go.

Exhibit A: Some sort of tambourine? Maybe not a musical instrument, but in the hands of any skilled child, it becomes an irritating weapon.















Exhibit B: Some piece of crap plastic? No idea.

Exhibit C: A big blue ball discovered on my patio around 4:50 this afternoon. After taking this photo, I set the bouncy ball in front of my condo so that the perpetrator, a small boy, could get it back. At 7:35 this evening, my doorbell rang. The mother of the boy asked if I could check my patio and retreive the ball for her. I told her I had already set it in front of my condo because I figured they would see it. But where then was the ball? Someone else must have made off with it. Sorry little Michael, someone else is bouncing your ball now. Maybe you'll see it again some day. IN HELL!!!!!

La Mesa What a Place-A!

My car's back at the mechanic's shop again in La Mesa, California. It's the third time the transmission is being worked on. The first time to rebuilt the transmission, which in retrospect I don't think needed to be rebuild. The second time was to re-rebuild it because after less than 1000 miles, it threw a bearing which destroyed several other parts and cracked the gear box. This time, the third time, it started making a whirring noise between 30 and 40 mph. No word yet on when it will be fixed.

Now for the sexy details. After dropping off the car Monday morning, and while waiting in front of the mechanic's shop for my friend to give me a ride to work, I heard someone stopped at a stoplight making a noise. I heard it subconsciously, but didn't take much notice of it because I was rummaging through my murse, looking for my cell phone. I heard it a couple more times. It was like a whippoorwill noise.

Now that I found my phone, the noise entered my conscious mind, and I looked up to see a black man in a pickup truck giving me the San Francisco eyes (as my friend Tilly likes to say). And this is in La Mesa. Not Hillcrest.

I turned around and meandered to a less visible spot. No, sir, those aren't the gears I wanted worked on.

Lost In Thought: 6/12/2011

They don't write songs about people who like small butts.

Fat and Carbs for Dinner

Sourdough bread

Olive oil, balsamic vinegar and herb dip

Whiskey sour

Soft cheese

On a cracker

Noisy Trash

My upstairs neighbors, The Stompersons, are driving me batshit crazy. In addition to their general trashy ways, they have guests staying with them. There must be four children and three adults up there. Nonstop running, jumping, moving furniture around, and banging all through the night.

They arrived Thursday, and I don't think they've gone to bed yet.

I have visions of sawing a hole through my ceiling and their floor and then sticking my head through the hole a la Jack Nicholson in the Shining and screaming "Here's Johnny!" Followed by a sound fatal beating.

I have collected a lovely dirt pile of theirs down on my deck. Potato chip crumbs, cigarettes, matches, childrens' toys. And around 2:30 someone decided they didn't want their drink anymore so they poured it down through the slats of their deck to my patio.

Whatever happened to the good old days when mothers would drown their children?

Unbeweavable

This wins the WTF of the week. Some trash tossed her weave on the ground near my condo.

One

Every journey begins with one footstep. Every blog begins with one word.